Are you ready to shvitz?

It's one of those things I should have done while I was in Russia, but it was only this past Friday that, on a whim and with a friend, I went to a "Russian" bath house.. in Manhattan. The Russian and Turkish Baths in the East Village (about a block from Tompkins Square Park) are like a little time warp to the 70's, evoking both old school New York and Russia in one fell (and wet) swoop.

The place had a couple of saunas, a steam room, a cold! water bath, and showers, all with the stylings of a tight, Nixon-era, locker room. The only deviation from that motif was via the main Russian steam room, which drew upon its ancient, stone, lineage; references to a dungeon or tomb (and incredibly hots ones at that) would not be out of place. Hmm.. I'm not exactly selling these baths here, but I think the whole is more than the sum of it's parts. So, let me assure you that I'll be back; it was somehow charming, and the pleasurable physical effects (of hot and cold extremes, in succession) are real. In fact, I've been to similar (if newer) facilities in other countries, like Japan and Slovakia, and it's always worth it.

Beyond the general entry fee for all-day access to the baths, you can pay for additional "special treatments" like massages, salt scrubs and so forth. And so I did: I asked for a platza treatment - basically a mild beating - with a big ol' bunch of oak branches (with leaves intact) soaked in olive oil soap, because, well, why not? Really, you're there, so how could you *not* submit yourself for that sort of experience?

It's much different than I had imagined: you're not getting whipped with an individual switch, so you actually aren't getting lashed or anything like that. However, you do feel the mass of the branch bundle coming down on you, which is slightly uncomfortable for the times that it's happening on your chest. haha. But otherwise, it was definitely much milder than I thought; it was sorta like what I image being in a brushless car wash would be like (and I mean that in the best way possible). In short, it's not as much as a masochistic endeavor as you might think (so I'll need to find that fix another way).. but you still come out feeling so fresh and so clean clean.

A little bonus to the experience was that I got to use a few Russian words with the guy who gave me a platza treatment (to his amusement). Plus Colin Farrell was there; yeah, it was a real mix of clientele (and body types). Who would have thought; apparently, the baths transcend financial and cultural boundaries. So, basically, if you're thinking about going, all you have to ask yourself is:

Are you ready to shvitz?