Sparks, I hardly knew ye

Consider this your (semi-)advanced warning..

It's time to stock up.

When Miller Brewing bought Sparks from McKenzie River Corp. back in 2006, you knew that it was only a matter of time before the formula was changed. Cost reduction is king in any economic environment (a non-planned one, anyway), and when established products are brought into the fold of another corporation (especially a larger one), they must be transmuted to use a common ingredient set, which is presumably already being bought in bulk-bulk-bulk. Or, you could imagine formulas being tweaked based on "market research".. but, again, any formula change is most likely a matter of making an established (but, presumably, beloved) product cheaper to manufacture..

And I'm all about doing things more efficiently! Waste not, want not, and all that. However, the product usually suffers because the philosophical essence of the original is usually lost in the journey from acquisition down towards the bottom line.

But I've digressed a bit..

Um, yeah: stock up on yer Sparks! You see, MillerCoors is reformulating it en-totál due to massive legal headaches all across the country. Huh? Not the type of headache you associate with Sparks? Well, about 30 US State Attorney Generals have sued MillerCoors over the past couple of years to, basically, take Sparks off the market. Yeah, so the change is not exactly due to cost-savings -- sorry about that earlier discussion/digression; how did I get started on that?

In any case, the states have argued that Sparks is an "alcopop" that targets underage youth in its marketing.. and, besides, mixing your uppers and downers in a given night is a bad idea. humph. I don't agree on either of those points; if anything -- *anything* -- I would sue based on the taste alone. And I'd make Smirnoff Ice a defendant as well, while we're at it. haha.

Well, the upshot is that you'll still find "Sparks" on the shelves; however, as I alluded to before, it will be reborn in a much different incarnation. Packaging too?; I don't know. The Washington Business Journal reports that MillerCoors will "voluntarily reformulate its Sparks beverage to remove caffeine, taurine, guarana and ginseng from the product."

What? That makes no sense. How is this new product -- Sparks in name only -- still going to be the somehow-charming, jacked-up hangover machine we're all grown to, um, tolerate? In any case, read the details here:

Maryland part of deal with MillerCoors to reformulate Sparks
by Rich Rovito @ the Washington Business Journal

Again, I was never a huge fan of any of the varieties of Sparks ("blue", "black", or the original "orange"), but I do appreciate that there is a time for such indulgence and, therefore, a place on the shelf, so to speak. And perhaps my brain and liver are celebrating this news -- that is, the news of Sparks' demise, and, consequently, the news that I will never be able to succumb to its temptation ever again -- but my heart is a little sad..

So, is seems, my only option is to to drown this sorrow in a vat of Redbull and vodka.. which, you know.. doesn't sound so bad. Salud!