Death is inconceivable for the young in America.

Man Dies of Thirst During Survival Test
By ED WHITE, Associated Press Writer
Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Well, I'd like to say this article (from http://www.sfgate.com) is not intimidating me (on some level, anyway), given that this is the exact program I'm attending in 3 weeks. But it is (on some level, anyway). Then again, it's easy to separate "me" from "the other". And how can "me" die? I mean, I'm 28. So this story might as well be a work of fiction (on some level, anyway).

Sure, I'm expecting some discomfort; I'm expecting some pain - on all sorts of levels. In fact, I'm sure this two week Field course I've signed up for at Boulder Outdoor Survival School (BOSS) will be the most mentally demanding thing I'll have done - ever.

SHIT, though, I wish I didn't know the guides carry "emergency water" - a tidbit gleaned from the article. It's either going to make me more bold (ex. oh, this course is *so safe* out here in the seemingly endless desert), or less bold (ex. pleading for that liquid like a baby when I don't *need* it). And, further, I wonder if this guy dying has affected the guides on any level. I mean, I know that every trip affects the guides/staff of BOSS insofar as they should learn something, able to apply even subconscious lessons to future courses, but having someone DIE under your tutelage is such a dramatic outcome, you would think it affects them to a different - a higher - degree. In short, I hope the course I'll be taking - the first Field course of 2007 (the story in the article is actually from an episode last year) - is the "standard" one they've been doing for ages. And the school hasn't overreacted, either to coddle folks this year.. or to go the opposite direction: to say, people signed them waivers so, hey, we're going to give it to them (just to prove the point that this stuff is "real")!

Yeah, so again, I still must admit the course is little more intimidating (again, on some level) after reading this article, if only because it reminds me that this "trip" (how innocuous a description!) is almost upon me, and, further, that this "trip" is something totally outside my experience. But that's why I'm doing it (or, at least, that's what I'm telling myself - ha!). There is the physical challenge, of course; there are the specific outdoor skills to learn, of course; but it is the prospect to live outside my comfort zone for a little bit, and hopefully develop my ability to deal with uncomfortable situations (of which there will be many during the two weeks, I'm sure) - that is the real draw for me.

One last source of doubt.. I haven't been running and biking the past couple of months because of my knee problems, and this adds to my worry from a physical perspective. I have such a positive history with those things; they make me feel strong - physically, of course, but also mentally. And when I feel "in shape" - a complicated, or at least nuanced idea - it's hard to intimidate me. At the least, their sporty replacements - swimming and climbing - are going well; in fact, my climbing has never been better. So, yeah, I know I'll be fine overall from a physical perspective, despite the minor doubts. I just need to keep reminding myself of that.

Again, it's "me" and I'm 28. Death is inconceivable for the young in America.