Lyrics lost, and nostalgia discovered

Song lyrics are 95% lost on me.

That's not to say I'm illiterate or a beat junkie; that's not to say I don't care or don't appreciate powerful words crafted and applied to a framework of beautiful music (or visa versa). It really just comes down to the fact that I have problems with lexical disambiguation. Who knew? That is, I *hear* the lyrics and I, I *hear* the way they are sung, in terms of tone and melody and overall character, but I really only end up with "the feeling" of how they play with the rest of the musical mix; I could never repeat for you a line-intelligible from any given song. And it's always been this way.

What this means is that I listen to so much music and I know so little lyrics. So, for example, when I sing in the shower - it's been known to happen - I basically have a catalog of 3.5 proto-songs, made up of pieces of maybe 11 real songs. Who cares? A common affliction, yes - I know.. and there are worse ones out there, I, umm, hear, but I did get thinking about all this Wednesday night as I experienced the exception that proves the rule..

Performing some of the few songs - in the world! - that I know the lyrics to, Dinosaur Jr drew forth from me a sing-along (or at least muddle-along) during their show at Slims in San Francisco; I could half-articulate about a quarter of their set, spread out throughout the night. Again, who knew, and who cares? But thank god no one can actually hear me mangling each song - each to a different degree, of course, but each mangled nonetheless; the speakers are large, turned up loud, and sonicly all-encompassing.

Yes, I did say Dinosaur Jr; and, yes, I mean *that* Dinosaur Jr, underground indie-rock icons of the 80's and therefore ripe for being-Dinosaur jokes in the 00's, another band arguably back together to make a buck off nostalgia-fueled ticket sales. But I have seen them on both their contemporary tours (2005 and 2007) and while I know it is in a different way than they would have rocked in, say, 1989, they still rock. The music is spot on (if not a little too-polished and controlled sometimes) and, most notably for me, my main man J Mascis still conjures up these phenomenally epic and melodically noisy guitar solos I can't get enough of. When I'm really in the mood - as I was at the show - I could have kept my eyes closed and let the notes, sometimes fighting their way through feedback, go on forever. And so it goes..

Part of the appeal is that their music does somehow evoke a feeling of "nostalgia" in me; Dinosaur Jr songs always do, but seeing them live pumps up that feeling much more; it's quicker to come on and boldly-vibrating in its intensity. And I remember - via beer-dipped brain - that I recognized these feelings coming on during the show and this got me wondering further if I knew what the idea of "nostalgia" really meant! I mean, I ask because I think I get wistful way too often. haha.

It's not a bad thing, per se, and maybe not such an odd thing, I know, but I attribute it to the fact that I've had a series of such different lives - or at least approaches to life - since, say, high school, and, while they are continuous in time, they are carved into definite periods, accessible neatly, in general, for internal recall (but only occasionally for discussion). And since some of these packaged scenescapes would actually overlap on a real timeline, it's probably more appropriate to call them quanta - quanta of nostalgia? - insofar that each is a collection of times and places and people and feelings (real or not) associated with some state of being from my past. There is a definite trend for collusion with and adherence to the lock-step flow of time, for sure, but that is not always the case as, with reflection, certain threads of mindset could have their origin, or at least a later-assigned origin, with times farther removed from the locus of real activity; the same reasoning also applies to threads reaching somewhere into the future (ex. where the locus is the origin and provides the spiritual underpinnings for something later on).

The current definition on Wiktionary for nostalgia is:

"A bittersweet yearning for the things of the past."

And so with this definition and the contemplation above in mind, I can ask myself again if I know what nostalgia means. And I would say "yes".. although I would admit I might be applying it a bit too liberally. That is, I do understand that the term, in general parlance, is applied to looking back towards the past as if it was better than what you have now. But that's not exactly how I feel when I'm applying it to myself..

The quanta that I mentioned are all constituent parts my psyche; they are stepping stones - upwards, I think - in the path of my personal growth and development; they could even be construed as a series of adolescences or subtle psychological evolutions. And I look back fondly..

But I know, I know for sure - FOR SURE! - I'll be adding these years now to the nostalgia reel soon enough (i.e. as in, the last 1 or 2, because I've already added everything up until then). Oh man, but haha!, and oh-man-oh-man-oh-man (in a good way). These are the times of our lives and it's nice to be able to recognize that now; it helps me to breathe in the sunshine of San Francisco and beyond; and I'm always looking to breathe better in general.

In short, the good times haven't stopped yet; I'm excited for the present and know there are many opportunities for me and mine in the future. And how can't I be preemptively nostalgic for that? haha. That said, I can be temperamental, privately at least, so know there will be ups and downs in my outlook on life; I say this if only to let you know my exuberance isn't irrational and without bound - but, still, I'll leave that discussion for another time. For now, let me say that there were and are and will be some very good people in my life, past and present and future, respectively, as well as combinatorially. And even though I know it doesn't always come through in real time, I do appreciate how everything has come together; you, collectively, have made me a better person. haha. And so, it seems, regardless of my steely exterior, I can lay on the cheese with the best of them..

In any case - and back to the glorious present - the only thing I would have asked of Dinosaur Jr to do differently on Wednesday night would be to have played their "Just Like Heaven" cover from The Cure. If you haven't heard me sing in the shower, it is, basically, my number one ditty (always battling with R Kelly and David Bowie); it's a cover of a cover of a cover; read into that what you will. ;)